First impressions can make or break a business relationship. Can you really develop a meaningful, positive connection with someone in 90 seconds or less? Yes, absolutely, because making people like you is a skill and anyone can learn how to do it.
Have you ever noticed that when you meet some people for the first time things just seem to click as if you’ve been friends forever? Yet with others it seems difficult, and sometimes impossible, to connect with them, be it in one’s professional, personal or social lives. There are some people we connect with naturally and easily — this is called rapport by chance. For everyone else there is rapport by design.
How much easier would your job be if you could always establish instant rapport with a new employee or client? Studies show that you have approximately 90 seconds to make a favourable impression when you meet someone new, and what happens in those 90 seconds can determine whether you succeed or fail.
A typical attention span is a scant 30 seconds (see how long you can stare at a blank wall). Therefore, likeability and rapport must be established immediately.
Success rests on: your attitude, your ability to synchronize certain aspects of your behaviour like body language and voice tone with the other person, your conversation skills and your ability to discover which sense (visual, auditory, kinesthetic) each person relies on most.
Attitude
In human resources, you need to make people feel comfortable. People respond to others’ attitudes and frequently make “snap judgments” about one another even before speaking. With just seconds to make an impression, adopt a “useful attitude”: warmth, curiosity, enthusiasm, being helpful — rather than “useless attitudes” like anger, sarcasm, impatience, boredom or rudeness.
Use open body language, like turning directly to the person, along with initiating eye contact and a smile. Introduce yourself in a pleasant voice, offer your hand first and slightly lean in to very subtly indicate your interest and openness.
Synchronize body language and voice tone
Here is the great truth about face-to-face communication: people like, trust, and feel comfortable with people who are like themselves. Here’s how you can make this work for you.
Within the first few seconds, begin to synchronize your body movements and voice tone (also speed and volume) with the other person. Match or mirror them, subtly picking up their pace, stroke, breathing pattern, mood and point of view. Lean forward if they do, begin with the major body movements. This is what we do naturally with people we like.
Conversation skills
Using your conversation skills, start with a statement reflecting a common ground. After that, ask open-ended questions. These are the “who, when, what, why, where or how” kinds of questions. Closed questions are interrogatory and get straight answers. Be aware of the difference. For example: Did you go to the store? is closed, What did you buy at the store? is open.
Listen with your body — nod in agreement and use plenty of eye contact.
Determine preferred sense
Studies show 55 per cent of people are primarily motivated by what they see, 15 per cent by what they hear and 30 per cent by physical sensation (kinesthetic). When you can tune in to the other person’s wavelength you will connect at a deep level. These three different groups look, dress, talk, and process information differently.
Visual people care about how things look, think in pictures, speak quickly and use their hands to point things out and use visual words — see, show, clear, etc. This looks like a great benefits package, can you picture yourself getting the most from it? or How do you see your future with the company?
Auditory people enjoy the spoken word, and frequently their styles of dressing tend to make a statement. They have smooth voices and use words like harmonize, articulate and rumour. They tend to use phrases like “sounds familiar” and “tell me more.” A good approach? Use pleasing tonality or you’ll lose them. Auditories tend to turn their heads slightly (actually pointing one ear towards you) when concentrating. “How does this sound to you?” “Can you recall a time when….?”
Kinesthetics want things to be solid, well-constructed and right feeling. They may speak slowly and require lots of detail. They use touchy/feely physical language, “I’m leaning heavily towards giving it a shot.” Kinesthetics tend to look down and to the left when they talk, and have a preference for textured, comfortable clothing. Try asking: How do you feel about this position? or What will you bring to the table?
Until you’re sure, I recommend looking good for the Visuals, speaking pleasantly for Auditories and being sensitive and flexible for Kinesthetics. All these skills can be used in person and on the phone but won’t translate to e-mail or other encounters lacking physical feedback.
Nicholas Boothman is the author of How To Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less (Workman Publishing). He conducts seminars and speeches on making that crucial 90-second connection, and provides his audiences with concrete communication tools. For more information visit www.nicholasboothman.com.
Have you ever noticed that when you meet some people for the first time things just seem to click as if you’ve been friends forever? Yet with others it seems difficult, and sometimes impossible, to connect with them, be it in one’s professional, personal or social lives. There are some people we connect with naturally and easily — this is called rapport by chance. For everyone else there is rapport by design.
How much easier would your job be if you could always establish instant rapport with a new employee or client? Studies show that you have approximately 90 seconds to make a favourable impression when you meet someone new, and what happens in those 90 seconds can determine whether you succeed or fail.
A typical attention span is a scant 30 seconds (see how long you can stare at a blank wall). Therefore, likeability and rapport must be established immediately.
Success rests on: your attitude, your ability to synchronize certain aspects of your behaviour like body language and voice tone with the other person, your conversation skills and your ability to discover which sense (visual, auditory, kinesthetic) each person relies on most.
Attitude
In human resources, you need to make people feel comfortable. People respond to others’ attitudes and frequently make “snap judgments” about one another even before speaking. With just seconds to make an impression, adopt a “useful attitude”: warmth, curiosity, enthusiasm, being helpful — rather than “useless attitudes” like anger, sarcasm, impatience, boredom or rudeness.
Use open body language, like turning directly to the person, along with initiating eye contact and a smile. Introduce yourself in a pleasant voice, offer your hand first and slightly lean in to very subtly indicate your interest and openness.
Synchronize body language and voice tone
Here is the great truth about face-to-face communication: people like, trust, and feel comfortable with people who are like themselves. Here’s how you can make this work for you.
Within the first few seconds, begin to synchronize your body movements and voice tone (also speed and volume) with the other person. Match or mirror them, subtly picking up their pace, stroke, breathing pattern, mood and point of view. Lean forward if they do, begin with the major body movements. This is what we do naturally with people we like.
Conversation skills
Using your conversation skills, start with a statement reflecting a common ground. After that, ask open-ended questions. These are the “who, when, what, why, where or how” kinds of questions. Closed questions are interrogatory and get straight answers. Be aware of the difference. For example: Did you go to the store? is closed, What did you buy at the store? is open.
Listen with your body — nod in agreement and use plenty of eye contact.
Determine preferred sense
Studies show 55 per cent of people are primarily motivated by what they see, 15 per cent by what they hear and 30 per cent by physical sensation (kinesthetic). When you can tune in to the other person’s wavelength you will connect at a deep level. These three different groups look, dress, talk, and process information differently.
Visual people care about how things look, think in pictures, speak quickly and use their hands to point things out and use visual words — see, show, clear, etc. This looks like a great benefits package, can you picture yourself getting the most from it? or How do you see your future with the company?
Auditory people enjoy the spoken word, and frequently their styles of dressing tend to make a statement. They have smooth voices and use words like harmonize, articulate and rumour. They tend to use phrases like “sounds familiar” and “tell me more.” A good approach? Use pleasing tonality or you’ll lose them. Auditories tend to turn their heads slightly (actually pointing one ear towards you) when concentrating. “How does this sound to you?” “Can you recall a time when….?”
Kinesthetics want things to be solid, well-constructed and right feeling. They may speak slowly and require lots of detail. They use touchy/feely physical language, “I’m leaning heavily towards giving it a shot.” Kinesthetics tend to look down and to the left when they talk, and have a preference for textured, comfortable clothing. Try asking: How do you feel about this position? or What will you bring to the table?
Until you’re sure, I recommend looking good for the Visuals, speaking pleasantly for Auditories and being sensitive and flexible for Kinesthetics. All these skills can be used in person and on the phone but won’t translate to e-mail or other encounters lacking physical feedback.
Nicholas Boothman is the author of How To Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less (Workman Publishing). He conducts seminars and speeches on making that crucial 90-second connection, and provides his audiences with concrete communication tools. For more information visit www.nicholasboothman.com.
