If you get this letter, be suspicious

Conan O’Brien posts letter of recommendation for all jobseekers

Late night talk show host Conan O’Brien took to LinkedIn last month to help unemployed jobseekers land a gig.

He figures the secret to getting hired isn’t education, job experience or unique skills.

"None of those matter," he writes in a post.

Instead, what jobseekers really need to stand out is a letter of recommendation from a politician or celebrity.

"That’s it. Nothing more, nothing less."

It might be hard to get Stephen Harper to pen you a glowing reference letter. And you wouldn’t really want one from Rob Ford.

So O’Brien has taken matters into his own hands, offering up a form letter for job candidates.

"All you have to do is circle the appropriate option in each sentence and, voila, your own personal letter of recommendation from Conan O’Brien," he wrote. "You’re as good as hired."

Dear Madam or Mister,

My name is Conan O’Brien, a respected public figure and LinkedIn Influencer. I am pleased to recommend (Amy/Bill/Marco) for the position of (manager/senator). I’ve had the pleasure of working with (him/her) for over 60 years. (His/her) multitude of abilities are evident through exceptional (leadership/sheer blouses) and a refined (personality/pill connection). Not to mention (he/she) is one of the most (industrious/anti-union) employees I’ve ever encountered. If (Amy/Bill/Marco) has a weakness, it’s that (he/she) is TOO (diligent/serotonin deficient).

The first thing you’ll notice about (Amy/Bill/Marco) is a prominent (neck tattoo/well-connected father). But, with such a (passive/aggressive) outlook, you’d never know that (he/she) comes from (political/orphanage) royalty. (He/she) is loyal to a (fault/vengeful god). (Teamwork/Naming names) is always at the core of everything (he/she) does. Plus, you won’t find someone better at (connecting/sleeping) with customers than (him/her). I’ve got the (sales figures/tears) to prove it!

Of course, you’ll also be relieved to know that we never proved (Amy/Bill/Marco) was responsible for setting the fire that destroyed our headquarters (two/three) years ago. You may have (heard/read) about the ensuing trial and (appeal/settlement). The flammable residue discovered in the (clothes/trunk) of (Amy/Bill/Marco) was found to be inadmissible due to a (technicality/bomb threat). Personally, I think it would be a (shame/mistake) to hold such a small (incident/episode) against someone for longer than (necessary/30 days).

Once again, with (his/her) relentless motivation and knowledge of (Windows 95/carburetors), I believe (Amy/Bill/Marco) would make an excellent addition to your (company/embassy). If you have any questions, please do not contact me, as I take my privacy as a public figure very seriously.


[Forged signature goes here]

Conan O’Brien

P.S. – Please do not sell this letter on eBay

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