Here is the scenario. Tom recently joined a company as a senior manager of a top performing sales team. At the six-month mark, he set up meetings with each of his team members for their interim performance reviews. One of his meetings is with Steve, a salesperson with five years of service.
It starts well enough, with Tom giving Steve his performance rating — good, not great — and areas for improvement. Steve believes his performance was outstanding and has never been graded anything but excellent. He takes great exception to the rating. He begins aggressively and defensively attacking Tom, the grade and what he perceives as unfair criticism. What Tom thought was going to be a relatively straightforward discussion, suddenly turns into a shouting match. He struggles to control the situation, without much success.
One of the biggest challenges for a manager is learning how to deal with sensitive or stressful situations. It can take many forms — performance reviews, customer complaints or peer friction.
Handling these moments effectively is key. Unfortunately, many are poorly managed. It usually results in a failure to solve the issue and a lingering discontentment. Handling emotionally charged situations tactfully and professionally is a core competency to becoming an effective manager. Human resources managers, through effective training, play an important role in ensuring that all managers in their organization develop this skill.
So what are some of the ways that you can handle difficult situations like the one Tom faced? The first step is to realize that they are going to happen, and your most effective defence is to be prepared. While each situation is different, there are communication principles that can be applied to improve your chances for a successful outcome.
Here are four principles for effectively dealing with difficult situations: define the issue(s), ensure dialogue, use plain language and remain calm.
Define the issue(s)
This is more difficult than it seems. When emotions are high, logic and clarity are challenging to manage. It can be difficult to explain the problem and get agreement on the issue. Frequently when someone begins to deliver a “tough message” the recipient becomes focused on what strategies or defences they’re going to use to protect themselves. They miss hearing what you’re trying to say, which results in a communication breakdown.
To have a meaningful conversation both parties need to understand what the issues are. As a manager you’ll want to begin the conversation by explaining clearly and unemotionally the purpose of the meeting. Don’t allow yourself to be interrupted or sidetracked. When you’re finished ask the person if they understand the problem — not if they agree, but “understand.” Now you have a starting point to focus on and move the conversation forward.
Ensure dialogue
We’ve all been in situations where we think it will be a discussion but it turns out to be a one-sided conversation, rant or lecture. When you’re going to tackle a stressful subject, it’s your role as manager to set the stage and ensure open dialogue.
A good technique is to start the meeting by explaining that you want this to be a discussion and that you want to hear the other person’s point of view. This positions the meeting professionally and forces managers who tend to do all the talking to listen. Once the issue is out on the table, get the other person engaged in the conversation quickly. It will increase the probability that dialogue will occur.
Use plain language
We may not want to admit it, but we don’t live in a world of open, honest communication. Whether it’s business or personal, tact and politeness drive our culture — particularly when we have a negative message to deliver. In business, tact can manifest itself in many negative ways. Two common pitfalls that frequently arise are managers being vague about the issue or providing a mixed message.
In the first situation, they often use the approach of implication, or beating around the bush, in hopes that the other person will get the real point of the conversation. The other favourite strategy is to deliver an equal amount of good news versus bad news. The intent of the meeting is to address the negative issue, but what ends up happening is that the person is confused by the mixed messages and leaves the meeting not being sure of what they are supposed to do.
In difficult situations, being obscure, vague or trying to put on a balancing act gets in the way of good communication. Be direct, to the point and as clear as you can. If someone has performed poorly — tell him. This doesn’t preclude you from being sensitive or compassionate, but it will keep you focused on the message you want to communicate.
Remain calm
When you have a sensitive issue to manage, the goal is to communicate it effectively. But these circumstances usually bring out strong emotions — anger, frustration and defensiveness — that act as barriers.
They influence our style, personality and way of doing business. The most effective state for a manager in stressful conversations is calm and purposeful professionalism. It encourages communication and keeps you focused on the results you want to achieve. It’s also important to keep control of any anger or frustration that you may be feeling so that you can deliver the information clearly and listen effectively. Negative emotions can cloud judgment or have you saying something that you later regret.
Left to dangle on its own, an unresolved problem results in employee resentment, low productivity and poor customer service. Corporate and personal success requires dealing with difficult and stressful situations professionally and expeditiously.
Sandy French is the president of Northern Lights, a communication company. He can be reached (416) 593-6104, ext. 222 or [email protected].
It starts well enough, with Tom giving Steve his performance rating — good, not great — and areas for improvement. Steve believes his performance was outstanding and has never been graded anything but excellent. He takes great exception to the rating. He begins aggressively and defensively attacking Tom, the grade and what he perceives as unfair criticism. What Tom thought was going to be a relatively straightforward discussion, suddenly turns into a shouting match. He struggles to control the situation, without much success.
One of the biggest challenges for a manager is learning how to deal with sensitive or stressful situations. It can take many forms — performance reviews, customer complaints or peer friction.
Handling these moments effectively is key. Unfortunately, many are poorly managed. It usually results in a failure to solve the issue and a lingering discontentment. Handling emotionally charged situations tactfully and professionally is a core competency to becoming an effective manager. Human resources managers, through effective training, play an important role in ensuring that all managers in their organization develop this skill.
So what are some of the ways that you can handle difficult situations like the one Tom faced? The first step is to realize that they are going to happen, and your most effective defence is to be prepared. While each situation is different, there are communication principles that can be applied to improve your chances for a successful outcome.
Here are four principles for effectively dealing with difficult situations: define the issue(s), ensure dialogue, use plain language and remain calm.
Define the issue(s)
This is more difficult than it seems. When emotions are high, logic and clarity are challenging to manage. It can be difficult to explain the problem and get agreement on the issue. Frequently when someone begins to deliver a “tough message” the recipient becomes focused on what strategies or defences they’re going to use to protect themselves. They miss hearing what you’re trying to say, which results in a communication breakdown.
To have a meaningful conversation both parties need to understand what the issues are. As a manager you’ll want to begin the conversation by explaining clearly and unemotionally the purpose of the meeting. Don’t allow yourself to be interrupted or sidetracked. When you’re finished ask the person if they understand the problem — not if they agree, but “understand.” Now you have a starting point to focus on and move the conversation forward.
Ensure dialogue
We’ve all been in situations where we think it will be a discussion but it turns out to be a one-sided conversation, rant or lecture. When you’re going to tackle a stressful subject, it’s your role as manager to set the stage and ensure open dialogue.
A good technique is to start the meeting by explaining that you want this to be a discussion and that you want to hear the other person’s point of view. This positions the meeting professionally and forces managers who tend to do all the talking to listen. Once the issue is out on the table, get the other person engaged in the conversation quickly. It will increase the probability that dialogue will occur.
Use plain language
We may not want to admit it, but we don’t live in a world of open, honest communication. Whether it’s business or personal, tact and politeness drive our culture — particularly when we have a negative message to deliver. In business, tact can manifest itself in many negative ways. Two common pitfalls that frequently arise are managers being vague about the issue or providing a mixed message.
In the first situation, they often use the approach of implication, or beating around the bush, in hopes that the other person will get the real point of the conversation. The other favourite strategy is to deliver an equal amount of good news versus bad news. The intent of the meeting is to address the negative issue, but what ends up happening is that the person is confused by the mixed messages and leaves the meeting not being sure of what they are supposed to do.
In difficult situations, being obscure, vague or trying to put on a balancing act gets in the way of good communication. Be direct, to the point and as clear as you can. If someone has performed poorly — tell him. This doesn’t preclude you from being sensitive or compassionate, but it will keep you focused on the message you want to communicate.
Remain calm
When you have a sensitive issue to manage, the goal is to communicate it effectively. But these circumstances usually bring out strong emotions — anger, frustration and defensiveness — that act as barriers.
They influence our style, personality and way of doing business. The most effective state for a manager in stressful conversations is calm and purposeful professionalism. It encourages communication and keeps you focused on the results you want to achieve. It’s also important to keep control of any anger or frustration that you may be feeling so that you can deliver the information clearly and listen effectively. Negative emotions can cloud judgment or have you saying something that you later regret.
Left to dangle on its own, an unresolved problem results in employee resentment, low productivity and poor customer service. Corporate and personal success requires dealing with difficult and stressful situations professionally and expeditiously.
Sandy French is the president of Northern Lights, a communication company. He can be reached (416) 593-6104, ext. 222 or [email protected].
