The weird workplace

Wanted: Executioners; Hopping mad; Looking for a f*****g job?; Nice guys finish last; Don't count your chickens…

Looking for a f*****g job?
CLARKSTON, SCOTLAND — An employer in Scotland made waves recently when he posted an online ad for a cook with the title: “Looking for someone fast, progressive and not a total **** for a new restaurant.” Justin Valmassoi went on to say he needed someone “to bang out a ton of semi-fancy food in a kitchen the size of a closet, and you also have to put up with my wife because I do and she’s the real boss.” The ad told people not to bother if they weren’t the right candidate: “Seriously. Last time I was hiring for a place I got over 400 CVs. You know how long it takes to read 400 CVs? Too f*cking long.” As for compensation? “The money is sh*t. It’s £7/hour and a cut of the tips… Don’t come to an interview and then say it sounds great but you’ve got your kid’s school clothes to buy or whatever. I don’t care. There’s no money.” Valmassoi also said the person could be “super outgoing or actually mute” and should only send a real cover letter: “If you have one that says you’re a ‘hard-working team player that can also function well alone’ and that you ‘value customer service and punctuality,’ I will stab myself in the face with a pencil and nobody will get a job.”

Wanted: Executioners 
RIYADH, SAUDI ARABIA — The Saudi Arabian government is advertising eight job positions that will probably see a limited number of applicants. The Ministry of Civil Service is looking for people to handle public beheadings and amputations of the hands of convicted thieves, according to the New York Times.  The jobs require no specific skills or education for “carrying out the death sentence according to Islamic Shariah after it is ordered by a legal ruling.” However, it could be a challenge filling the roles given the scarcity of qualified swordsmen, the grisly task and the rising number of executions — 85 people have been executed so far this year, compared to 88 all of last year, according to Human Rights Watch. The country punishes drug dealing, arms smuggling, murder and other violent crimes with death. 

Hopping mad
COPENHAGEN — A Danish radio station faced considerable backlash recently when it killed a baby rabbit live on-air — by hitting it with a bicycle pump. The rabbit was killed “according to careful instructions by a professional animal caretaker from a Danish zoo,” said host Asger Juhl, who later took the rabbit home, skinned it and cooked it. The hosts claimed the act was meant to show the hypocrisy of animal lovers, according to Reuters. During the broadcast, the station talked about the livestock industry in Denmark, saying Danes’ concern for animal welfare did not extend to the way animals are killed for their dinner: “These animals have often endured horrific suffering on their way to our dinner tables. These animals are killed according to the same controlled conditions as our studio rabbit, and without it invoking any strong reactions.”   

Nice guys finish last
NEW YORK — There’s nice and then there’s too nice. That’s what one doorman found out recently when he was fired, according to the New York Post. Ralph Body — who helped out tenants by doing everything from checking on pets, cleaning litter boxes and watering plants — was let go from his job at a luxury apartment building in New York City. “They said, ‘We know you did it for the right reasons but, unfortunately . . . you’re too nice to the tenants,’” he said. “They said, ‘You do things for them which you shouldn’t be doing. And unfortunately, in this case, nice guys finish last.’” Tenants in the building started a petition to have the doorman reinstated, with one tenant saying: “(Management) wants impartial professionalism… I don’t want to live in an environment like that — where there are robots at the front desk.” But management defended its position: “Ralph did not follow (the) policies and procedures and after being spoken to several times, it was their decision to reassign him to another building.”

Don't count your chickens...
MONTEVIDEO, URUGUAY  — Nine medical students at the Hospital de Clinicas in Montevideo, Uruguay, were suspended recently after partying with a corpse while on-call, according to the Mirror. One of the interns moved the dead man’s body from a corridor and they then put a drink in his hands as they celebrated during one of their last shifts before becoming fully qualified doctors. But eight of the nine students were suspended for a month so they won’t qualify to be full-fledged doctors until next year at the earliest, instead of July. The student who moved the body was suspended indefinitely while two superiors are also being investigated for allowing the students to drink alcohol while on-call.  “When there’s a mistake in medicine, there’s never a single person responsible,” said health director Jorge Quian. “These youngsters committed a bad error but there are other people at blame here, the superiors who were supposed to be in charge of them and hospital bosses.”

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